I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
