Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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