Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
