dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
