After last night, I could never be a politician.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
