Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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