The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There r osticjed everywhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
