I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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