i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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