Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
