took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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