Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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