My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
