i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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