It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
