Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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