it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
