He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
