i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize