Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
