Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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