RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
