yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Duck Duck Cougar?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
