I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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