I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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