she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every concussion has its silver lining
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
