the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize