just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
