What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
