evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
