He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
