just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize