do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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