I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
