i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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