Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
