You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
