Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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