I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
