peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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