My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
