a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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