I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
