I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
