You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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