He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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