from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize