omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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