Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
