Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
