Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
