my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
