This girl is more easily done than said...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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