I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
