you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize