I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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