there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
