He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
