i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
