I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Umm I'm too high to move.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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