I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The air taste purple.
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