It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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