i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
